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My guess is, a lot of you guys are still in school or have just recently graduated. I too was a student not so long ago, but the transition from a being a student to being a working adult was definitely not as smooth as I’d hope.
A large part of the struggle had to do with what we call purpose.
Our school system is structured in such a way to encourage progress. We’re given projects, homework, midterms, and finals, and having been, for the most part, a good student, all these tasks naturally dictated the goals of my own. I crammed all I could on the bus to school to do well on the exam, scribbled things down last-minute during homeroom to get a higher grade on my homework, and even stayed up all night studying because I could never stay awake in my AP European History class (to be fair, the class was right after lunch and the guy was boring AF). And with every A I got, it was too easy to feel accomplished, to feel like I was actually doing something, I was actually going somewhere. Heck, even if I didn’t try, I’d feel like I was moving forward in life simply because I was moving up a year. But I still tried. I studied hard to get a good SAT score so I could go to the school of my dreams, and even though that didn’t work out, I continued to be spoon-fed tasks to which I only had to follow. I continued to do well in college, worked in labs, did absolutely nothing during internships, all that so I could have one extra line on my resume which will eventually land me a job and secure my future. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do and that’s what everyone else is doing.
So that was my goal: just play along, go with the flow, do what I’m supposed to do, and don’t fall behind. And that’s the only goal I’ve needed for the first 23 years of my life. But what happens after I graduate, when there’s no one to tell me what to do? What happens after I get a job, when there’s no one to grade me? What happens when a new year no longer means a new start, when you no longer have that illusion of progress?
What’s my purpose now?
My guess is, a lot of you guys are still in school or have just recently graduated. I too was a student not so long ago, but the transition from a being a student to being a working adult was definitely not as smooth as I’d hope.
A large part of the struggle had to do with what we call purpose.
Our school system is structured in such a way to encourage progress. We’re given projects, homework, midterms, and finals, and having been, for the most part, a good student, all these tasks naturally dictated the goals of my own. I crammed all I could on the bus to school to do well on the exam, scribbled things down last-minute during homeroom to get a higher grade on my homework, and even stayed up all night studying because I could never stay awake in my AP European History class (to be fair, the class was right after lunch and the guy was boring AF). And with every A I got, it was too easy to feel accomplished, to feel like I was actually doing something, I was actually going somewhere. Heck, even if I didn’t try, I’d feel like I was moving forward in life simply because I was moving up a year. But I still tried. I studied hard to get a good SAT score so I could go to the school of my dreams, and even though that didn’t work out, I continued to be spoon-fed tasks to which I only had to follow. I continued to do well in college, worked in labs, did absolutely nothing during internships, all that so I could have one extra line on my resume which will eventually land me a job and secure my future. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do and that’s what everyone else is doing.
So that was my goal: just play along, go with the flow, do what I’m supposed to do, and don’t fall behind. And that’s the only goal I’ve needed for the first 23 years of my life. But what happens after I graduate, when there’s no one to tell me what to do? What happens after I get a job, when there’s no one to grade me? What happens when a new year no longer means a new start, when you no longer have that illusion of progress?
What’s my purpose now?
미리 말할게 사과는 안 해
아무 말 없이 너 후회 안 해
다 관심 없잖아 친구야 뭐야
(Oh you know what to do)
피곤해 그만 오늘은 놔 줘
더 이상 반복하긴 싫어
또 다 내가 나빠
아마 그래 난 널 미워하나 봐
사랑이 잘 안 돼 떠올려 봐도
피부를 부비고 안아봐도
입술을 맞춰도 참
생각대로 되지 않아
웃긴 것 같아
되돌려보려고 서로 모른 척해도
이제 와 우리가 어떻게
다시 사랑 같은 걸 하겠어
다섯 번째 미안하단 말이
이젠 너에게는 지겨운 건지
마지막일 거란 예감이 들어
(Oh you know what to do)
이건 내가 오늘 하루 종일
그린 저녁은 분명 아니야
널 보면 자꾸 네 안에 내가 보여서
이젠 내가 싫어
사랑이 잘 안 돼 떠올려 봐도
피부를 부비고 안아봐도
입술을 맞춰도 참
생각대로 되지 않아
웃긴 것 같아
되돌려보려고 계속 모른 척해도
이제 와 우리가 어떻게
다시 사랑 같은 걸 하겠어
어디야 (넌 어디야)
집이야 (난 택시야)
집에 거의 다 와가니 (Oh 미안해)
뭐 어떤 게 (그냥 다)
들어가 (나 지갑 거기 두고 왔어)
Oh 있잖아
아니야 (말해 봐)
이제 더 사랑하지 않는 것 같아
아
사랑이 잘 안 돼 떠올려 봐도
피부를 부비고 안아봐도
입술을 맞춰도 참
생각대로 되지 않아
웃긴 것 같아
되돌려보려고 서로 모른 척해도
이제 와 우리가 어떻게
다시 사랑 같은 걸 하겠어
I’m not going to say sorry
I won’t regret whatever I say
You don’t care anymore, you never did
(Oh you know what to do)
I’m tired, just let me go home
Let me out of this endless cycle
Sure, and I’m the bad one
Maybe I do hate you a bit
Loving you is too hard
I can, but I don’t want to
Flesh on flesh or lips on lips
None of it works
Isn’t it funny
How far we’ve come
And how far we’ve fallen
How could we ever love again
On the fifth sorry on to the sixth
Was that when you got sick of me
I get a feeling this is the end
(Oh you know what to do)
This is not how I pictured
For my day to end
I keep seeing myself in you
So I can’t even love myself anymore
Loving you is too hard
I can, but I don’t want to
Cuddles or kisses
None of it works
Isn’t it funny
How far we’ve come
And how far we’ve fallen
How could we ever love again
Where are you (What about you)
Home (I’m on my way)
Are you almost here (Oh sorry)
For what (Everything)
Go home (I left my wallet there)
Oh hey
Nevermind (Tell me)
I don’t think I love you anymore
Ah-
Loving you is too hard
I can, but I don’t want to
Flesh on flesh or lips on lips
None of it works
Isn’t it funny
How far we’ve come
And how far we’ve fallen
How could we ever love again
Hmm, I read this at a really good time. I’m exactly in this position now, in a field that’s very… vague. I graduated in April and finished up my work study positions, but once my lease was up I had to go. I am in the huge “now what?” position. What do I really want to do, to work towards?