(2/6)
I was jobless out of college. Rejection after rejection, I can’t even remember how many companies have told me that they would “hold onto my contact info” in case a spot opened up, because they “really enjoyed meeting me,” but apparently not enough to hire me. Whatever, I was never the type to get stressed over these things. Worriless and free-spirited, that’s how I’ve been described (by my mom). It’s weird when people around you seem to worry more for your future than you yourself do, but I knew deep down I’d eventually get a job. What I didn’t realize, however, was that the time I spent jobless, “purposeless”, living at my grandparents house would end up being the happiest three months of my post-grad life.
I finally got a job offer. It wasn’t a job I wanted, and at the time I was seriously considering turning it down. Oh how sweet it would’ve been to be on the other side of a rejection for once. But my grandparents didn’t seem to comprehend how I could even think of turning down something millions of others could only dream of getting. I mean, how am I supposed to argue against that? After all, I’ve been living in their house rent-free for months, and being a burden to someone else has always been one of my biggest fears. So I took the job. I did it. I’ve accomplished what society has deemed to be the end goal of our education and I was officially a working adult. But now what? What’s my next step?
Some people might say the obvious goals would be to work up the ladder and make more money, but I never had those desires. Other than my childhood dream of becoming a chef, I never had a dream job, and when it comes money, I’ve learned that I don’t need much. Sure, it’d be nice to be rich, but if I can buy my poor college friends dinner once in awhile, or buy her that book she was glancing at in the bookstore… then that’s enough. That’s really the only way money has ever made me happy, when I spent it on others.
So I didn’t have a goal. There was this void a paycheck couldn’t fill. I was happier unemployed than employed because at least when I didn’t have a job, I had the purpose of looking for one. I worked from 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, stuck in traffic on the way to work, stuck in traffic on the way back home, all of that without knowing what I wanted from my life. Not only was I not moving forward, I didn’t even know which way to be facing.
For the first time in my life, I felt stressed.
I was jobless out of college. Rejection after rejection, I can’t even remember how many companies have told me that they would “hold onto my contact info” in case a spot opened up, because they “really enjoyed meeting me,” but apparently not enough to hire me. Whatever, I was never the type to get stressed over these things. Worriless and free-spirited, that’s how I’ve been described (by my mom). It’s weird when people around you seem to worry more for your future than you yourself do, but I knew deep down I’d eventually get a job. What I didn’t realize, however, was that the time I spent jobless, “purposeless”, living at my grandparents house would end up being the happiest three months of my post-grad life.
I finally got a job offer. It wasn’t a job I wanted, and at the time I was seriously considering turning it down. Oh how sweet it would’ve been to be on the other side of a rejection for once. But my grandparents didn’t seem to comprehend how I could even think of turning down something millions of others could only dream of getting. I mean, how am I supposed to argue against that? After all, I’ve been living in their house rent-free for months, and being a burden to someone else has always been one of my biggest fears. So I took the job. I did it. I’ve accomplished what society has deemed to be the end goal of our education and I was officially a working adult. But now what? What’s my next step?
Some people might say the obvious goals would be to work up the ladder and make more money, but I never had those desires. Other than my childhood dream of becoming a chef, I never had a dream job, and when it comes money, I’ve learned that I don’t need much. Sure, it’d be nice to be rich, but if I can buy my poor college friends dinner once in awhile, or buy her that book she was glancing at in the bookstore… then that’s enough. That’s really the only way money has ever made me happy, when I spent it on others.
So I didn’t have a goal. There was this void a paycheck couldn’t fill. I was happier unemployed than employed because at least when I didn’t have a job, I had the purpose of looking for one. I worked from 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, stuck in traffic on the way to work, stuck in traffic on the way back home, all of that without knowing what I wanted from my life. Not only was I not moving forward, I didn’t even know which way to be facing.
For the first time in my life, I felt stressed.
저 별을 가져다 너의 두 손에 선물하고 싶어
내 모든 걸 다 담아서 전해주고파
Sometimes I cry 널 잃을까
Sometimes I feel 내 품에 잠들어 있는 너
I promise you 첫눈이 오는 날에
I promise you 너와 함께
두 손을 마주잡고 그날을 거닐며 외쳐
I love you 잡은 두 손은 흐르는 세월 모르길
그 자리 니 온기 하나하나 담아두고 싶은걸
내 맘이 그래 오래도록
Sometimes I cry 날 잊을까
Sometimes I feel 살며시 눈감아 주는 너
I promise you 첫눈이 오는 날에
I promise you 너와 함께
두 손을 마주잡고 그날을 거닐며 외쳐
I love you 잡은 두 손은 흐르는 세월 모르길
I promise you 첫눈이 오는 날에
I promise you 너와 함께
두 손을 마주잡고 그날을 거닐며 외쳐
I love you 잡은 두 손은 흐르는 세월 모르길
I want to gift you the stars in a jar
Stars filled with all that I have
Sometimes I cry, what if I lose you
Sometimes I feel, with you in my arms
I promise you, under the first snowfall
I promise you, you and I
With our hands held tight, treading softly
I love you, until stars become snow and snow become stars
I want to gather your warmth in a jar
A warmth no one could ever halve
Sometimes I cry, what if I lose you
Sometimes I feel, as you slowly close your eyes
I promise you, under the first snowfall
I promise you, you and I
With our hands held tight, treading softly
I love you, until stars become snow and snow become stars
I promise you, under the first snowfall
I promise you, you and I
With our hands held tight, treading softly
I love you, until stars become snow and snow become stars
This is the first time I left comment in your blog. First of all, I am enjoying your blog, your stories, songs recommendation. Currently, I am also in a similar condition. What’s worse is that I’ve bern working for 5 years and then one day I realized that this is not they life I’m dreaming of. Not only because I can’t see my future career in current company, but more because I feels like losing direction, purpose and passion. Hope both of us can get out this depressing situation soon.
I was so very very close to doing that. To taking up that offer even though I had my hesitations. To just doing it and then working out the rest of my life as it came…as we all do, I guess. I like your take on money, it’s like mine. I calculated how much it would take for me to live on and it wasn’t much…yet I pushed (or was pushed) to do more, to make more and be more. But there’s nothing wrong with the way people are. Just to be alive is a miracle in itself. Just to… Read more »