Is being emotional bad?
INTJ: Introversion, intuition, thinking, judgement. We can all agree that it’s quite ambitious to try and squeeze the entire spectrum of personalities into a 4×4 matrix. The problem, however, lies not in the accuracy of the test or those four letters, but in the test taker himself. Whenever I take the Myers-Briggs test, I can’t help but ask myself, is this who I am, or is this who I want to be.
“People can rarely upset you,” the test asks.
Agree or disagree. Agree. Really?
The truth is, I do get upset, yet I try my best to hide it because in my 24 year old mind, being upset is illogical and emotional. And being illogical and emotional is a sign of weakness. Sucks that I’m not too good at hiding it.
“Your mood can change very quickly”
A part of me wants to disagree… and by part, I mean my whole body, but.. I’m wrong yet again. That’s who I am, a bottled-up cocktail of mood. A smoody.
So who am I? Really, who am I?
I’m obviously not the person I want to be, and quite frankly, no one is truly who they want to be. But where, when, and how did I form this ideal view of myself, and more importantly, is this actually who I want to be?
Do I logically assess qualities and value people based on these attributes? No.
Do I hate people if I believe they fall short of my standards? No.
Do I constantly judge everyone, believing that people must either be good or bad with no place in-between? No.
Then why do I claim these things when they’re not true? Because in my head, that’s how an INTJ would think.
The last couple of weeks, for the first time in my life, I let emotion take over me; I didn’t let my logical-self ridiculously argue it’s way through pain, saying this is somehow the right decision. I was sick and tired of playing this game, so I broke character, went against the scripts, and hid nothing. The result was ugly, but ugly in a very humanly way. I willingly did things that I knew my other half would regret, the half that was telling me how all of this is making my odds suffer, but I didn’t care. The more it hurt, the more I felt alive.
Still, I know that I have a switch inside me that a lot of people seem to find… scary. With a single flick, I can turn off my emotions. What I didn’t realize until now, however, was that I wasn’t turning it off per se but simply shoving them under a blanket I called logic and reason. And to be honest, the blanket was very much guided by the emotion it was hiding, along with my pride and ego, telling myself I’m right. This time around, I want the fire to burn out on it’s own, however long that may take. I’m OK with my heart telling me this is right, not my brain. I’m OK with not flipping the switch. Just this once.
So, is being emotional bad? Can people change for others? Did I? Maybe this is who I always was, and no one ever brought it out.
I want to sleep at night.
I want to stop dreaming.
(Special thanks to Jenny from YouTube who translated this song for me)
INTJ: Introversion, intuition, thinking, judgement. We can all agree that it’s quite ambitious to try and squeeze the entire spectrum of personalities into a 4×4 matrix. The problem, however, lies not in the accuracy of the test or those four letters, but in the test taker himself. Whenever I take the Myers-Briggs test, I can’t help but ask myself, is this who I am, or is this who I want to be.
“People can rarely upset you,” the test asks.
Agree or disagree. Agree. Really?
The truth is, I do get upset, yet I try my best to hide it because in my 24 year old mind, being upset is illogical and emotional. And being illogical and emotional is a sign of weakness. Sucks that I’m not too good at hiding it.
“Your mood can change very quickly”
A part of me wants to disagree… and by part, I mean my whole body, but.. I’m wrong yet again. That’s who I am, a bottled-up cocktail of mood. A smoody.
So who am I? Really, who am I?
I’m obviously not the person I want to be, and quite frankly, no one is truly who they want to be. But where, when, and how did I form this ideal view of myself, and more importantly, is this actually who I want to be?
Do I logically assess qualities and value people based on these attributes? No.
Do I hate people if I believe they fall short of my standards? No.
Do I constantly judge everyone, believing that people must either be good or bad with no place in-between? No.
Then why do I claim these things when they’re not true? Because in my head, that’s how an INTJ would think.
The last couple of weeks, for the first time in my life, I let emotion take over me; I didn’t let my logical-self ridiculously argue it’s way through pain, saying this is somehow the right decision. I was sick and tired of playing this game, so I broke character, went against the scripts, and hid nothing. The result was ugly, but ugly in a very humanly way. I willingly did things that I knew my other half would regret, the half that was telling me how all of this is making my odds suffer, but I didn’t care. The more it hurt, the more I felt alive.
Still, I know that I have a switch inside me that a lot of people seem to find… scary. With a single flick, I can turn off my emotions. What I didn’t realize until now, however, was that I wasn’t turning it off per se but simply shoving them under a blanket I called logic and reason. And to be honest, the blanket was very much guided by the emotion it was hiding, along with my pride and ego, telling myself I’m right. This time around, I want the fire to burn out on it’s own, however long that may take. I’m OK with my heart telling me this is right, not my brain. I’m OK with not flipping the switch. Just this once.
So, is being emotional bad? Can people change for others? Did I? Maybe this is who I always was, and no one ever brought it out.
I want to sleep at night.
I want to stop dreaming.
(Special thanks to Jenny from YouTube who translated this song for me)
싸늘한 바람이 스쳐가
그때의 네 모습 같아
변한 너의 모습 보면서 힘들었지
아닐거라고
안경을 써도 못봤었지
이미 넌 마음에 상처가 나로인해 생겼고
많이 힘들었니 정말 미안해
너를 닮은 바람을 느꼈어
그리워져서 난 생각에 잠겨
사랑한다고 밤을 지샜던 우린데 그땐
못해준게 너무 많아서 아직도 널 못잊는가봐
차라리 날 만나지 않았더라면 더 좋았을텐데
아침에 네 목소리로 잠을 깨워주던 넌데
사랑 받던 난데 그때는 왜 몰랐을까
분명히 너도 날 사랑했는데
너를 닮은 바람을 느꼈어
그리워져서 난 생각에 잠겨
사랑한다고 밤을 지샜던 우린데 그땐
밤새 나눈 대화도 네게 쓴 편지 마저도
난 지우지 못해 차마 버리지 못해
잘 지내는 널 보며 난 더욱더 비참해져
정말 나만 그러니
니 이름 세글자만 들어도 심장이 떨려
널 못잊었나봐 지금 이 순간에도 많이 보고 싶어 정말
Cold breeze passes by me
Just like what you did to me before
If was difficult to see you have changed
Did not want to admit it
Even with glasses on I could not see it
You already had too many scars in your heart from me
Were you hurting? I am so sorry
I felt the breeze that resembled you
I’m missing you, and I begin to reminisce
We used to spend nights telling each other ‘I love you’
I cannot forget you, there are so many things I didn’t get to do for you
It would have been better if I did not meet you at all
You used to wake me up with your voice in the morning
I used to be loved, but why did I not know that back then?
You for sure loved me, too
I felt the breeze that resembled you
I’m missing you, and I begin to reminisce
We used to spend nights telling each other ‘I love you’
The conversations we had all night, the letters I wrote to you
I cannot forget them, I cannot trash them
Seeing you doing so well, I become even more pathetic
Am I the only one feeling like this?
Even just hearing your name makes my heart beat
I don’t think I forgot you, even at this moment, I really really miss you.
Awww, this was a very moving article! Thought-provoking, too. I enjoyed the read. ^_^
Sometimes I too wonder who I am. Or really, all the time. Do I react this way to something cuz of what I believe others are expecting? Would people like me less if I acted as “myself”? But what’s real and what’s me seems to elude me all the time. All I can say is that emotions and feelings are what makes us human and it’s as much as a gift as a curse. I tell myself that I only ever have this one life and no matter how much society wants to fool themselves into thinking we’re perfect, we’re… Read more »
You’re right in that we can’t simply let emotion take over because we’re afraid of what others may think of us. The only reason I get so sappy in blog posts is because of the distance between me and my readers; The closer you are to someone, the more you want to hide things from them, afraid of seeing that look of disappointment in their faces. Perhaps that’s my downfall. I don’t realize, not until it’s too late, how some people trust(ed) me enough to not judge me for who I really am, and that I could’ve been emotional all… Read more »
Last week I was getting trained for my new job and the person I’m temping for said something that really stayed with me. “It’s okay to make mistakes. Big ones even. You know what’s the one thing you can’t fix? Death. So as long as you’re alive, anything can be fixed.”
True
“The more it hurt, the more I felt alive”
I feel you. I’m also an INT person TT_TT