(4/6)
Someone who wants to live but has to die, or someone who wants to die but has to live, which one would you rather be?
I stopped singing in my car, now filled with an even louder silence. What’s the purpose of life? I stopped dreaming, dreaming about the future, but it was fine because I no longer knew what made me happy. I tried to stay still, but the world moved on, so I dragged along. 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, stuck in traffic, and stuck in traffic. It almost seemed like I’ve perfected the choreography we call life.
All I had to work on was the smile.
I really thought that was going to be it, forever stuck on the highway full of burning red eyes, but it’s funny how we sometimes find hope in the randomest places. One day after lunch, I was sitting in the bathroom browsing through Reddit, a part of my daily routine. By the way, if you haven’t learned already, there’s a direct correlation between the amount of time you spend in the bathroom and how much you hate your job. Anyways, while I was mindlessly browsing through cat pictures and circlejerks, a post on r/AskedReddit caught my eye. The question read “35yo+ Redditors, what would you like to scream to your 18-22yo self?”
And just like that, I decided to quit. I mean, I had nothing to lose. I started looking for another job, a job that I would love, away from home, one I wouldn’t have to be forced by my grandparents into taking. Two weeks later, I got a job, and I quit.
I was moving back to Boston.
Things, however, didn’t get better right away. In fact, I hit my lowest point the night I moved into my new place. I was scared. What if nothing changes? What if I’m just as miserable here? What if this is it? Then I wasn’t sure if I would make it through. That night, I faced my back towards her, the world, unable to fall asleep. I stopped dreaming, but I started dreaming. Nightmares, of death. But I kept quiet, cause I couldn’t be a burden. Which, funnily enough, also meant I couldn’t die, cause some of my student loans didn’t have a death discharge. I looked it up.
It was my first day at work. I couldn’t sleep the night before, so I must’ve looked like shit.
Someone who wants to live but has to die, or someone who wants to die but has to live, which one would you rather be?
I stopped singing in my car, now filled with an even louder silence. What’s the purpose of life? I stopped dreaming, dreaming about the future, but it was fine because I no longer knew what made me happy. I tried to stay still, but the world moved on, so I dragged along. 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, stuck in traffic, and stuck in traffic. It almost seemed like I’ve perfected the choreography we call life.
All I had to work on was the smile.
I really thought that was going to be it, forever stuck on the highway full of burning red eyes, but it’s funny how we sometimes find hope in the randomest places. One day after lunch, I was sitting in the bathroom browsing through Reddit, a part of my daily routine. By the way, if you haven’t learned already, there’s a direct correlation between the amount of time you spend in the bathroom and how much you hate your job. Anyways, while I was mindlessly browsing through cat pictures and circlejerks, a post on r/AskedReddit caught my eye. The question read “35yo+ Redditors, what would you like to scream to your 18-22yo self?”
And just like that, I decided to quit. I mean, I had nothing to lose. I started looking for another job, a job that I would love, away from home, one I wouldn’t have to be forced by my grandparents into taking. Two weeks later, I got a job, and I quit.
I was moving back to Boston.
Things, however, didn’t get better right away. In fact, I hit my lowest point the night I moved into my new place. I was scared. What if nothing changes? What if I’m just as miserable here? What if this is it? Then I wasn’t sure if I would make it through. That night, I faced my back towards her, the world, unable to fall asleep. I stopped dreaming, but I started dreaming. Nightmares, of death. But I kept quiet, cause I couldn’t be a burden. Which, funnily enough, also meant I couldn’t die, cause some of my student loans didn’t have a death discharge. I looked it up.
It was my first day at work. I couldn’t sleep the night before, so I must’ve looked like shit.
이제는 연락조차 받질 않아
너 대신 들리는 무미건조한 목소리
힘든 날들도 있는 건데
잠깐을 못 이겨
또 다른 대안을 찾아가
시간을 가지자
이 말을 난 있는 그대로
시간을 가지잔
뜻으로 받아들여 버렸어
Congratulations 넌 참 대단해
Congratulations 어쩜 그렇게
아무렇지 않아
하며 날 짓밟아
웃는 얼굴을 보니 다 잊었나 봐
시간을 갖자던 말 ye
생각해 보자던 말 ye
내 눈을 보면서 믿게 해놓고
이렇게 내게
아무렇지 않아
하며 날 짓밟아
웃는 얼굴로 날 까맣게 잊고
행복해 하는 넌
어때 그 남잔 나보다 더 나?
그 사람이 내 기억 다 지워줬나 봐?
그래 너가 행복하면 됐지
라는 거짓말은 안 할게
대체 내가 왜 날 떠난 너한테
행복을 바래야 돼 절대
I don’t give a 아-
Congratulations 넌 참 대단해
Congratulations 어쩜 그렇게
아무렇지 않아
하며 날 짓밟아
웃는 얼굴을 보니 다 잊었나 봐
시간을 갖자던 말 ye
생각해 보자던 말 ye
내 눈을 보면서 믿게 해놓고
이렇게 내게
아무렇지 않아
하며 날 짓밟아
웃는 얼굴로 날 까맣게 잊고
행복해 하는 넌
진심 wow girl congratulations
바로 얼마 안 걸렸네 잘 나셨어
Huh 인터넷에 올라온 니 사진을 보니
그리 많이도 행복하니
입이 귀까지 걸려있는 거 같애
난 아직도 숨쉴 때 심장이 아픈데
다행히 넌 절대 아플 일은 없겠다
만약 또 이별을 겪는담
그럴 때 마다 새로운
사랑을 시작하면 되니까
Congratulations 어떻게 이래
Congratulations 넌 절대 내게
돌아오지 않아 기대조차 않아
나 없이도 얼마나 잘 살지 몰라 uh
시간을 갖자던 말 ye
생각해 보자던 말 ye
기다림 속에 날 가둬버리고
너만 이렇게
내 곁을 떠나가
그 남자를 만나
나라는 놈은 없었던 것처럼
사랑에 빠진 넌
Now you don’t even answer the phone
I hear that monotone voice instead of you
Though there are hard times in life
You couldn’t overcome that little moment
And went away for an alternative
Let’s take a break
I took those words as they were
All we need is time
That’s the way I understood it
Congratulations you’re unbelievable
Congratulations how could you do that
With a straight face
You trampled on my heart
Your smiling face shows you’re over me
You said let’s take a break ye
You said let’s think about us ye
You looked into my eyes and made me trust
And now what you’ve done this to me
With a straight face
You trampled on my heart
With a nonchalant smile
You let me fade away
Is that guy so much better than me?
Did he make you to forget everything about me?
“Well yeah as long as you are happy”
I wouldn’t tell that typical lie
Why should I wish happiness for you
When you’re the one who left me
I don’t give a ah-
Congratulations you’re unbelievable
Congratulations how could you do that
With a straight face
You trampled on my heart
Your smiling face shows you’re over me
You said let’s take a break ye
You said let’s think about it ye
You looked into my eyes and made me trust
And now look what you’ve done
With a straight face
You trampled on my heart
Your smiling face shows that you don’t care
And you look happy
Really wow girl congratulations
It didn’t take that long, you’re a charmer
Huh all those pictures you’re posting online
Are you that happy
You can’t seem to stop smiling
My heart still aches when I breathe
Good thing I know you won’t be hurting
Cause even if you break up again
You can always love
Whoever happens to be next
Congratulations how could you do this
Congratulations you will never ever
Come back to me, I’ve stopped hoping
Don’t know how much better off you’ll be without me uh
You said let’s take a break ye
You said let’s think about our relationship ye
You left me to wait
All by my lonesome
You left me
And met another guy
You fell in love again
As if I was never there
I really want to read all your posts, because you wrote that you will be writing every day this week, and you are the master of cliffhangers. I need the happy ending of your story. :O
PS: I would choose the first option, simply because I don’t know that situation, The other one is too familiar.
I’ve been checking daily for the next in the series and honestly don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed with the lack of updates this past week. I’ll really miss your posts if you won’t be writing anymore. While my taste in music isn’t the same, I check this blog for your thoughts and pieces of your life you share. It’s awesome that some inklings I have of life, but never really think into, are laid out so logically by you. I guess what I want to say is that, it’s OK if you don’t write anymore. But I really… Read more »
Now tbh, Michael, I no longer wait for the next song you would post and translate. Since the vlog, and this magnificent pieces of writing, I’m just waiting for your stories.