I never had trouble letting go, and sometimes that can hurt people.
Tomorrow, or technically today, is my last day at work. Some might say, 10 months at a first job is nothing, you quitter. But chained in the chain of command, stuck in a never-ending cycle of cleaning after others’ mess, and not having anything or anyone to intellectually challenge me, I have decided to move on. As with everything, however, it’s not just all about the bad. During my time here, I definitely learned how to deal with people better, which is something I never saw the need for (I was utterly wrong). I’ve become more conscious that at the end of the day, we’re all people with emotion no matter how hard we try to contain them in a professional setting. I understand that now, I really do. Yet I still seem to fall short at times.
Today while I was leaving work, I was overwhelmed with joy at the thought that I only had one more day left. I turned to my coworker, dressed in his favorite red button down, and said “I’m so happy that I’m out of here. I don’t have to deal with these people anymore.” I laughed. I told him that this ain’t bittersweet, this is sweetsweet with the slightest hint of bitter. I laughed, but not him. He looked sad, as if my happiness was sucking out his.
“Why are you happy? I’m sad that you’re leaving, Michael.”
Ah, shit. I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry.
Tomorrow, or technically today, is my last day at work. Some might say, 10 months at a first job is nothing, you quitter. But chained in the chain of command, stuck in a never-ending cycle of cleaning after others’ mess, and not having anything or anyone to intellectually challenge me, I have decided to move on. As with everything, however, it’s not just all about the bad. During my time here, I definitely learned how to deal with people better, which is something I never saw the need for (I was utterly wrong). I’ve become more conscious that at the end of the day, we’re all people with emotion no matter how hard we try to contain them in a professional setting. I understand that now, I really do. Yet I still seem to fall short at times.
Today while I was leaving work, I was overwhelmed with joy at the thought that I only had one more day left. I turned to my coworker, dressed in his favorite red button down, and said “I’m so happy that I’m out of here. I don’t have to deal with these people anymore.” I laughed. I told him that this ain’t bittersweet, this is sweetsweet with the slightest hint of bitter. I laughed, but not him. He looked sad, as if my happiness was sucking out his.
“Why are you happy? I’m sad that you’re leaving, Michael.”
Ah, shit. I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry.
사랑했던 날도
니 손을 잡던 나도
이별을 한 우리도
다시 사랑할 수 없을까
텅 빈 방에 혼자
매일 밤 난 못 자
니 생각뿐이야
다시 사랑한다 말할까
잠이 올까
오늘도 밤을 지새울텐데
니가 올까
잠시라도 널 볼 수 있다면
내 맘 알까
이런 날 많이 사랑해줘서
이런 내가 밉다 싫다
니가 보낸 문자
보낼 수 없는 답장
멈출 수 없는 눈물
우리 헤어질 수 없나봐
잠이 올까
오늘도 밤을 지새울텐데
니가 올까
잠시라도 널 볼 수 있다면
내 맘 알까
이런 날 많이 사랑해줘서
이런 내가 아파 나빠
꿈속에서라도
널 볼 수 있다면
좋을텐데
잠이 든 사이에
내 곁에 다가와 줄래
잠이 올까
오늘도 밤을 지새울텐데
니가 올까
잠시라도 널 볼 수 있다면
내 맘 알까
이런 날 많이 사랑해줘서
이런 내가 아파 나빠
잠이 올까 니가 올까
내 맘 알까 이런 내가 밉다 싫다
The days we spent in love
Holding each other’s hands
Is it too late to start again
Is it too late to love again
The nights I spend alone
Every time I close my eyes
All I see is you
Is it too late to tell you I love you
Could I fall asleep
You’ll probably keep me awake all night again
Will I ever see you again
Just a minute is all I need
Do you know how I feel
Why did you have to love someone like me
I can’t love myself as much as I loved you
Your unread texts
And my unsent replies
The tears won’t stop falling
I can’t seem to let you go
Could I fall asleep
You’ll probably keep me awake all night again
Will I ever see you again
Just a minute is all I need
Do you know how I feel
Why did you have to love someone like me
I can’t love myself as much as I loved you
Even if it’s in a dream
I want to see you
I want to love you
Could you come by my side
If I’m ever able to fall asleep
Could I fall asleep
You’ll probably keep me awake all night again
Will I ever see you again
Just a minute is all I need
Do you know how I feel
Why did you have to love someone like me
I can’t love myself as much as I loved you
Could I fall asleep without seeing you
Do you know, I can’t love myself as much as I loved you
red button down man is the hero we need… he helps us recognize the little things in life.
Thank you red button down man.
The title Reminds me to Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. Oh no. I should finish it!!
It’s good. Tell me what you think.
[…] it. He looked at me from the seat across. “I would cry”. I was reminded of the last time I felt this way. I said I would care more, at least fake it if I can’t. For me, caring has […]