새봄 (Saevom) – 여울져오네 (Rekindle)

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve written a blog post… Today I have a story that stuck with me since childhood. It is the reason why I’ve hated talking on the phone my entire life… well at least up until last Friday.

This goes all the way back to middle school before I came to the US. Following my spontaneous decision to leave Korea, I was pretty much forced to call all my friends and families to say goodbye. My mom called it formality, I called it a hassle. It wasn’t like I didn’t like them… in fact, I was sure I’d miss at least some of them. It had more to do with how bad I was with people. Middle school Michael was shy, awkward, and… pretty much the dweeb I still am. And not being able take cues from facial expressions or body gestures made phone calls that much worse, but I knew there would be no way out of this. Under my mom’s watch, I called them, one by one, “Hello”, “Yes”, “I’ll miss you too”, “Goodbye”. To my surprise, I quickly found a pattern, the path of least resistance so to speak. Everything was going so smoothly that at one point, I thought I’d be able to leave the country in peace after all.
Next up on the list was my uncle.

My uncle has two daughters whose names escape me at the moment… I guess that goes to show how close I am to them. They’re both much younger than I am, and at the time of the phone call, they weren’t even in kindergarten yet. My mom and my uncle talked first, and after their brief chat, I was handed the phone.

“Hello?”
My lips were already murmuring the next line I had planned; all I needed was the person on the other end to say, “Hi, I heard you were leaving.” But nothing, nothing but silence. Five seconds passed without a word. I was baffled, thrown entirely off my groove, and apparently the most logical thing to do at that point was to storm into the bathroom, closing the door behind me, where no one could hear the awkward silence that would follow.

I coughed, just to let her know I was still there. It was her turn to say something, why couldn’t she say something. Thirty seconds passed, it was a nightmare. Actually, I’ve had plenty of nightmares more pleasant than that. By the one minute mark, I was at the verge of crying. I didn’t know what to do anymore… so I hung up. I said goodbye out loud for my mom to hear into the monotonous beeps of the phone. I opened the bathroom door and smiled at my mom.

And from that day on, I hated phone calls.

—————

Last Friday, I was walking home in below freezing weather. I rarely have my phone off silent, but for some reason, I must’ve forgot. My phone vibrated in my pocket: RESTRICTED. Curiosity has always been my biggest weakness…

“Hello?”
I waited. I heard some rustling from the other side. A thick Indian accent spoke.
“Hi, I am calling today regarding your electric bill.”
I knew where this was going. “…Ok?”
“Yes, I have a great offer for you today. You can save 30% on your bill if…”
I stopped listening, mainly because I couldn’t understand what the hell he was saying, but I still wanted to let him finish… and he finished. “I’m sorry, I’m OK.”
“What? You OK?”
“Yes, I’m OK.”
“How much do you…”
“I’m OK.”
“OK, then. I’m going to go. Ok? Bye.”
“Bye.”
Neither of us hung up. Ever since the incident, I stopped hanging up first. It was my way of making up for what I’ve done to her. While I was waiting for him to hang up, it all started to come back, the horrifying seconds I spent sitting on that toilet. A voice broke my line of thought.
“Wait, are you still there?”
It caught me off guard. I bursted out laughing. I laughed and I laughed. He laughed and I laughed even harder. I asked if he was doing well.

In the end, we wished each other to have a nice day. I didn’t realize until after he hung up that my hand was frozen red. I didn’t care. I miss that moment. I miss his voice. I guess I miss voices, too, not just smells. You know what the best part of that was though? I didn’t have any trouble understanding his laugh.