As of yesterday, an old friend of mine is no longer a part of this world.
I’ve had friends of friends from high school pass away before… and it irked me seeing friends post long messages for everyone to see whenever their birthdays came around, about how the world just hasn’t been the same, how great it would’ve been to share this moment together. It all seemed like a show. It all seemed like they felt obliged to write something thoughtful because of the tiny notification they got saying “It’s ____’s birthday, go congratulate them!” It seemed like the notification was the only thing that kept those who died from being forgotten. Or at least slowed that process down for us.
This is my first experience with the death of someone I’ve been (at least somewhat) close with. It’s weird… I can’t exactly describe the feeling I got when I first heard of the news while browsing through a news website (she happens to be well-known in Korea, enough to make it on the front pages of many websites). I guess it was initially disbelief, then sentimental, and now nothing. All the little things I worried over, all the real life things, none of that matters. I miss some people, a lot of people, and death feels all too real. I mentioned awhile ago that sometimes I wonder how long it would it take for some people to find out, if ever, about my death. And how many of the people I once cared for are no longer with us? What about that one friend who got very sick in 6th grade and I lost contact with once I came to the US? I wonder.
She just recently got married. I don’t get it, and frankly, I don’t want to get it. I… She was… well, does it even matter who she was? Does it matter what I thought of her? She’s gone now, forever. Or perhaps that’s the only thing that matters.
May you rest in peace.
I’ve had friends of friends from high school pass away before… and it irked me seeing friends post long messages for everyone to see whenever their birthdays came around, about how the world just hasn’t been the same, how great it would’ve been to share this moment together. It all seemed like a show. It all seemed like they felt obliged to write something thoughtful because of the tiny notification they got saying “It’s ____’s birthday, go congratulate them!” It seemed like the notification was the only thing that kept those who died from being forgotten. Or at least slowed that process down for us. This is my first experience with the death of someone I’ve been (at least somewhat) close with. It’s weird… I can’t exactly describe the feeling I got when I first heard of the news while browsing through a news website (she happens to be well-known in Korea, enough to make it on the front pages of many websites). I guess it was initially disbelief, then sentimental, and now nothing. All the little things I worried over, all the real life things, none of that matters. I miss some people, a lot of people, and death feels all too real. I mentioned awhile ago that sometimes I wonder how long it would it take for some people to find out, if ever, about my death. And how many of the people I once cared for are no longer with us? What about that one friend who got very sick in 6th grade and I lost contact with once I came to the US? I wonder.
She just recently got married. I don’t get it, and frankly, I don’t want to get it. I… She was… well, does it even matter who she was? Does it matter what I thought of her? She’s gone now, forever. Or perhaps that’s the only thing that matters.
May you rest in peace.
어느새 하늘은 섧은 어둠으로 빛나고
뛰어 놀던 어린 친구들
하나둘 집으로 돌아가
공원엔 바람이 갈대숲을 산책하는데
어디로 난 고갤 숙여야
몸을 피할 수 있는 걸까
알아
너의 정원엔 그 어떤 꽃들도
자랄 수 없다는 것도
이젠 품어보지 못한 마음
그늘에 두고 떠나는 걸
하늘은 하늘로 그냥 머무르겠죠
구름은 어디로든 흘러가겠죠
난 어딜 봐야 하는지 아직 알지 못하는
해 지는 해바라기
하루에 몇 번을 너를 위해서 날 바꿔도
한순간도 머무르지는 못해
이 평안함이라는 건
알아
너의 책장엔 그 어떤 글귀도
남아있지 않다는 걸
이젠 물어보지 못한 마음
구석에 두고 떠나는 걸
하늘은 하늘로 그냥 머무르겠죠
구름은 어디로든 흘러가겠죠
난 어딜 봐야 하는지 아직 알지 못하는
해 지는 해바라기
Without a sound, the lonely darkness shines the skies
The children who crowded the playground
One by one, they find their way home
Wandering in the breeze filled park
Where can I turn to
To find my home
I know
That no flowers will bloom
In the garden of yours
Feelings I’m no longer allowed to have
I’ll leave it all behind in the shivering shades
The sky will forever be above us
And the clouds will drift wherever
I’m but a withering sunflower
Without a place I can turn to
No matter how many times I change myself for you
The comfort doesn’t seem to stay
None of it lasts
I know
Your bookshelves have been cleared
Of any of the words I left
Feelings I’m no longer allowed to show
I’ll leave it engraved in the darkest corners of the shelves
The sky will forever be above us
And the clouds will drift wherever
I’m but a withering sunflower
Without a place I can turn to
Actually i want to comment about your post. But it’s quite difficult (lets say this is the 1st timw for me to comment on blog). I feel you what you feel. My best friends also passed away in 2012. At that time I feel lonely and broken into pieces. Every week for a year I go to his grave and bring him beautiful flowers. For me it’s more personal because I’m the last person who called by him and he asking me to go out before he immediately sick (menigitis) to the hospital and coma for 2 days.
OMG i thought you won’t trasnlate this song, i have hopeless looking for this song’s translate. I do love this song and the MV b-but i didn’t know what this song talk about. Thankyou Michael!